Bane of My Existence

I rested my arms on the cement railing of the terrace. A breeze brushed over me as I clutched my whiskey glass tightly in my palm. I shivered and looked out to the ripples dancing across the surface of the pool. The air was crisp, chilly even.

“Do you remember the first time we were here together?” She asked, her voice almost desperate as the clank of her heels beckoned behind me. I clutched my glass tighter and sighed, a lump in my throat forming. I could feel her getting closer, and closer was not what I wanted.

I smiled to myself despite the fact that my chest was getting heavier with every breath I took and every step she made. The memory began to shoot in front of my face so vividly it was as if it were a movie reel. I chuckled mockingly and gazed up. The moon was almost full, with a warm orange hue painted over it. “The moon is pretty,” I whispered, hoping to change the subject.

Truth was, I didn’t want to remember that night.

That was the night I made the worst mistake of my life.

That was the night I fell in love.

I could feel something in the air. Warmth. Her body was so close I could feel the heat from her breath. The smell of her perfume wafted across the night sky and tickled my nose as I took a breath.I could also feel something else: her gaze. It bore into the back of my head, almost piercingly. I turned on my heel to face her. She looked tense as her arms hugged her chest.

“I remember you being drunk,” I muttered, hoping to seem unenthusiastic and unmoved by her question. The lump in my throat grew larger. I swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

Her eyes welled up as tears seemed to tease at the brim. “That’s what you remember?” Her voice cracked. She seemed almost vulnerable, which if I hadn’t known her, I might have actually believed.

It seemed like so long ago; that night. The images, despite my best efforts, still played and taunted me as they surrounded our silhouettes that Autumn evening. Last Summer at this very pool seemed like a decade ago and it may as well have been. So much had happened since that night. So much I wanted to forget but twice as much I loved to remember.

But I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

This woman ruined my life after all.

She was the bane of my existence.